Harry Potter Tale

          Once upon a time... there was this movie series called Harry Potter. The locations from the movies are scattered throughout Great Britain. At first, I wanted to depict all the locations from the movies... but then I found out that that would take a lot of time, and I'm lazy, so here are just some of the locations from the movies.

Alnwick Castle, Northumberland (Hogwarts, outside scenes)

Bodleian Library, Oxford (Hogwarts, interior)

Christ Church, Oxford (Hogwarts interior)

Durham Cathedral, Durham (Hogwarts, interior)

Glenfinnan Viaduct, Scotland (Hogwarts Express Railway)

Goathland Railway Station, North Yorkshire (Hogsmeade Railway Station)

Loch Eilt, Scotland (Hogwards, grounds)

 

Lacock Abbey, Wiltshire (Hogwarts, interiors)

Martins Heron, Berkshire (Privet Drive, Little Whinging)

Gloucester Cathedral, Gloucester (Hogwarts, corridors)

There are many more locations of course; Platform 9 3/4, Gringott's Bank, the Forbidden Forest, Diagon Ally, various classrooms, outdoor and lakeside scenes etc. etc. but their inclusion would require less laziness on my part... and maybe... a TV show? Maybe a TV show that follows locations from young adult fiction novel favorites???

A Paternoster Tale

          Once upon a time... there was a man named... well, who knows what his name was, it is actually lost to history. Who, you may ask, has been lost to history? Why, the inventor of the paternoster, that's who. What, you might ask, is a paternoster? Well, it's this thingy. It is a cyclic elevator developed in 1884 by somebody in the J & E Hall company, which manufactured everything from gunpowder to paper to refrigerators. Naturally, the company got the credit for this crazy elevator and the actual inventor is now lost in obscurity.

          Anyway, paternosters are quite strange. The continual movement of the elevator opens up many opportunities for people to be crushed. In fact, this has happened before, and will probably happen again. So many people have been injured by this device, that many have been shut down for good.

However, one still survives...

          Actually, four still survive in England, but one is at the very lovely University of Leicester, located within Attenborough Tower. Yes, that's right, Attenborough, as in Fredrick Attenborough. Aren't we learning a lot of history? Hmmm

          The paternoster is a source of great fear for many students at the University of Leicester. You are told to exit your ride on the second floor, otherwise, you are plunged into the depths of Attenborough tower. Scientific source material states:

          The lowest two levels of the tower house a plant room with a boiler that serves half of the entire university campus. Visitors descending on the paternoster must alight at floor 2, otherwise must wait as the compartment traverses the pit and emerges the other side. Travelling "over the top" or "underneath" on the paternoster is considered a rite of passage by many students at the University.

          Yes, it is considered a rite of passage if you don't freak out. Many students who are busy texting instead of getting off, find out too late that they are headed for the basement, where they think they will be crushed. It isn't unusual to hear the screams of frightened students descending into the basement, who believe themselves trapped, or lost... or give themselves up for dead. It's kind of like hell actually.

I thought it would be nice to share these student thoughts on the paternoster:

          "I got stuck in that and had to be dragged out"

          "I've eaten a doughnut on the paternoster... win"

          "I don't even have any lessons in that tower but I've been on the lift"

          "I just got kicked off, apparently we're not allowed to play on it :("

          "I fell backwards into it during Freshers... there were spectators... not good"

          "Got bloody stuck on it today, scared the bejeezus outta be. The escape left me emotional scarred"

          "A little faster would kill us all!!!"

          "I don't have good memories. I chopped my finger off in this thing in late '07... it coulda been worse, I coulda lost my arm..."

          Hmph, good going to the person who made that last comment. They were probably messing around, but almost ruined it for us all because the paternoster was closed after this incident. Thankfully (for no logical reason) the paternoster was opened back up after passing a safety inspection. So now many more students can enjoy the everlasting joy or emotional scarring created by the paternoster.

          Why just today, while riding the paternoster down to the basement and back up again with Reshanne, I heard one student say to his friend: "see, they did it, you don't get crushed you idiot."

Well some people do.

Fielding Johnson Tale

          Once upon a time... there was a boy named Tom Johnson who lived in Leicester with his seven brothers and sisters. Tom was born into a wealthy family and was sent to the best private school in Leicester. Unfortunately, Tom had an evil, greedy aunt and uncle who had no children of their own and so adopted him when he was 12, in order to keep their money within the family. Tom was forced to change his name to Tom Fielding Johnson. Sadly, (being from a wealthy family) his life had been planned for him and he constantly had to suffer the whims of his aunt and uncle, and his mother and father, who all sought to use him as a pawn in their chess game of success and business. Tom became a very wealthy textile merchant, but he was never truly happy. Misfortune struck his life again and again; with the death of his first wife, then the death of his son, then the death of his second son from his second wife. Yes, these were hard times (the early 20th c) it always seems so at least. Never a break for these people.

          Tom, though very wealthy, was also a very generous philanthropist. His great contribution to the city of Leicester was the donation of 37 acres to the formation of a college and a school on asylum land. Yes... most of this property consisted of the Leicestershire Lunatic Asylum and the asylum grounds. The old asylum had seen deaths and tragedies, horrors and, on the whole, really really crazy people... For 70 years this building was a medical nightmare, until mysteriously, the patients and all who lived their vanished... Okay, they didn't vanish exactly. They were moved to another building, a new building, one without so much creepy history. Anyway, the building remained empty for 7 years, and wayward passersby swore they could still hear the screams of the patients and mad laughter floating from the empty corridors. Okay... maybe they did, maybe they didn't. There aren't technically any recorded accounts. But they probably did.

          Well, the building sat cold and forbearing, looming over the town and drowning the streets in shadows from its monstrous wings. No one dared to go near this haunted building, except actually they did, because kids would dare their friends... so yeah literally people were dared to go near it. Also, the army was fed up with all this "haunted" nonsense and to prove their bravery, they set up a medical ward for wounded soldiers inside those hallowed walls. Eventually, the building was actually used for its intended purpose and became part of the college, adopting the name: The Fielding Johnson Building. The College House, which was connected to the asylum, became the quarters for the college headmaster. Creepy. I wouldn't live there. But you know who did live there? Freddie Attenborough who had two sons; the nature documentary guy and the old guy from Jurassic Park (David and Dickie, respectively). Yes, David and Dickie had many adventures roaming the haunted campus. One time, Dickie locked David in one of the old padded cells that still remained from the building's past as a loony bin.

          Tom's old private school is now The New Walk Museum (Hooray for New Walk, it probably made a better private school). Tom was also given The Freedom of the City (whatever the hell that is) in a silver casket that is now housed within the museum. But in my opinion, why did he even get The Freedom of the City? He was probably scared shitless out of the prospect of owning an Insane Asylum and couldn't wait to get the thing off his hands. I know if I owned that property the first thing I would do is donate it to whatever fool I could convince that it wasn't haunted...

          Today, the Fielding Johnson Building consists of a bunch of offices including the Cashier's Office, the Registrar's Office, etc. etc... The University of Leicester would like to stress that the Fielding Johnson Building is now a very pleasant and comfortable working environment for University Staff... but I doubt it. I would be surprised if a disembodied voice wasn't heard at some point during the work day... or that the last worker to leave for the night doesn't shudder as they walk the silent, dark halls alone.